sarcasmwriters

One day teacher asks question to students inside the classroom Students what do you want to be when you grow up? Sunil stands up and answered the question I want to be a billionaire, going to the most expensive hotel, buy world expensive car, have beautiful girl friend and give her a Mercedes worth over a million bucks, an apartment in London, a mansion in Dubai, a private jet and infinite visa card to travel with my love all over the world. The teacher was shocked and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of Sunil. He told other students not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. Teacher ask the same question to one female student Jasmine what do you want to be when you grow up? Jasmine replied, I want to be Sunil's girl friend

A new, young MD when doing his residency in OB, was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?” She replied, “No doctor, but the song you were whistling was “I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.”

One of my biggest lie is my 'Welcome' door mat! Banta: If a woman is quiet, which day is it? Santa: Who cares, just enjoy that day! Guys need your help: In the middle of an argument, my wife told me I was right! What the hell do I do next? The biggest dilemma for an environmentalist in Washroom: "Should I save water or save paper?" You can travel all over the earth just to find out that you are miserable everywhere! How to get a flat tummy in 2 seconds? Lie down! Have you ever thought that all of the money you have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet! Yesterday, our honorable finance minister said, "It will take another two to three-quarters for the situation to improve." So I bought 3 quarters last night. After all, it's my duty also, towards the nation. I woke up in the morning, but nothing had changed! So I'm trying again tonight! Monday is the guy you don't invite to the party, but he al...

One night husband reach home late and knock the door Husband: Please open the door for me Wife: Go back where you coming from Husband: Open the door or I throw myself in the swimming pool Wife: Go ahead and kill yourself, I don't care you So the husband stands near the dark part of the gate and waits for 3 minutes, takes a big stone and throws it into the swimming pool Wife hears and opens the door and runs towards the swimming pool. The husband quickly sneak into the house then locks the door. Wife: Open the door or I will shout Husband: Shout till all the neighbours wakes up and comes here And tell them where you are coming from by this time, wearing only your under garments

A man walks into a pub and asks the barman for a pint of bitter. The barman says, 'Bitter's off just now, we're waiting for the dray and a delivery.' The man says, 'OK then, I'll have a rum and coke.' After drinking his rum and coke, he goes back to the bar and asks again for a pint of bitter. Once again the barman says that they don't have any, so the man orders a screwdriver. He drinks his screwdriver. He then goes back and asks yet again for a pint of bitter. The barman says 'Look, if you take the rum out of a rum and coke, what do you have?' The man replies, 'Coke.' 'If you take the vodka out of a screwdriver, what do you have?' The man replies, 'Orange juice.' 'Now, if you take the flame out of a pint of bitter, what do you have?' The man looks puzzled, 'There is no flame in a pint of bitter.' The barman replies, 'That's what I've been trying to tell you!'  ф

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out.  I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.' I continued, 'Well, then why are you crying?' He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.' I said, 'Well, why are you crying?' He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.' I inquired, 'Well then, why in the world would you be crying?' He replied, 'I can't remember where I live.'

“My memory is gone Mildred, so I changed my password to “Incorrect.” That way when I log in with the wrong password, the computer will tell me… “Your password is incorrect.”

Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God. Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?” Jim was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “heyhey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff. Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh o...

I was in a restaurant once and I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my reliefs to the beat of the music. After just a few songs I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... That was when I remembered I was listening to my iPod.

Warning to all husbands, GST @28% is applicable on beauty parlors and restaurant services. This will make beauty parlors and restaurants more expensive, so keep reminding your wives that they are naturally beautiful. Also, encourage them that they cook awesome food! ............................................................... GST Foollie SimpliFried Wife: Now-a-days, people are very much talking about GST. What is this GST?_ She asks her husband. Husband: It is not so easy to understand. Okay, listen to me; I will try to explain with a very simple example of my life. When I was not married, if I came home at late night, first I had to give explanation to my sister at the door why I was so late. Then, it is to my mother and lastly to my father. Now after marriage, if I get late, I don't need to give explanation for three times, only single explanation to you solves the problem. This is the brief idea about GST. Now are you clear ?

Once a jailor was sitting inside his office.At that time one of his old friend came to meet him. Jailor’s friend-Why are you so sad?I have never seen you so sad before. Jailor-All the prisoners were acting on Ramleela on day before yesterday’s night.But Lax man got shot from one of the devil and he was about to die.Then the doctor told a prisoner who was acting as Hanuman went to bring some medicine from mountain Himalaya.But he did not came back from that day.Now what will happen.How lax man will live.I have no idea now. And after listening this his friend was how he would get rid of there.

Here’s how various sectors in India have reacted to the implementation of the Goods and Services Tax (GST) and how it will impact business. With India moving towards its biggest tax reform, here’s how various sectors in India have reacted to the implementation of the Goods and Services Tax (GST) and how it will impact business. Hotel owners find 28% tax steep for cheaper rooms; travel sector satisfied Following the implementation of the GST, the hospitality and travel sectors expect teething issues in the first few months but are not unduly worried, expecting support from government. OYO Rooms Founder and CEO Ritesh Agarwal said, “There may be challenges in compliance and implementation but over time, there will be more clarity and familiarity, enabling all stakeholders to adjust, adapt and adhere.” However, the Federation of Hotel and Restaurant Associations of India (FHRAI) Vice President Garish Oberoi said the 28 per cent GST for hotel rooms with a tariff of Rs 7,50...

Paani Puri or Puchkas or Gol Gappas is one of those Indian discoveries which every generation will be thankful for. It is one of the biggest mood enhancers and it helps your taste buds get alive which is a good sign. Isn’t it? After all, somewhere food is our weakness! You are hungry, eat it, you are upset, eat it, you are getting bored, eat it. Somehow, this spicy Indian dish has proved to be our life saver and so to say thanks for such a big contribution in our lives, we bring to you a Joke on a Paani Puri Shop's Menu.     The menu at a Paani Puri Shop   1) Paani Puri Rs.15 2) Special Paani Puri Rs.20 3) Very Special Paani Puri Rs.25 4) Extra Special Paani Puri Rs.30 5) Double Extra Special Paani Puri Rs.35 6) Sunday Special Paani Puri Rs.40 (Sunday only)   To check each & every Paani Puri for its different taste, I started eating everyday a different one.   But soon ...

To the Muslim woman, the hijab provides a sense of empowerment. It is a personal decision to dress modestly according to the command of a genderless Creator; to assert pride in self, and embrace one's faith openly, with independence and courageous conviction.Many sisters complain that people don't want to marry them unless they stop wearing hijab. No man is worth your hijab, and a real man wouldn't request you to take it off in the first place.There are irrational fears. If you see a woman wearing a hijab and fear is your first thought, something's really wrong.And it’s when I’m standing there this morning, in my PJs and a hijab, next to my mum and my dad, kneeling before God, that I feel a strange sense of calm. I feel like nothing can hurt me, and nothing else matters.